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Mince For The Recently Retired LP

by Michael Crafter

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1.
Cupcake Muffin Vegan Bake Sale is dumb 10% off merch sales I'm all for getting baked but not in the pit Vegan treats can suck my dick I don’t want your cookie I don't want a cookie You bake like a rookie You don't get me high I came here to mosh I don't want a cookie You bake like a rookie And your buzzing my vibe Cupcake cupcake Bake
2.
#420Bennies 00:37
I’m smoking a bong I’m smoking a bong I’m smoking a bong I’m punching cones I’m punching cones I’m fucking stoned Roll a joint Smash it in your face Roll a joint Smash it in your fucking face I just wanna be like The Bennies Bennies Bennies #Bennies420 Blaze it
3.
I hate to rail and bail I hate to rail and bail I don’t care if I end up in jail I eat dexys But I want a Ritalin I rail and I won’t get over it I want a ritalin I want a rail I want a ritalin ritalin rail Smash it to pieces Smash it to bits Just don’t you dare play any fucking raised fist I’ve got a pinger dick and its getting limp I can’t feel you in my fingertips I love ritalin I love dexys Smash it into bits Pill Dick
4.
Do you even realise That you’re living under compromise? Fear and Doubt Will always hold you back
5.
You are a mouthbreather You breath from your mouth Your babies look the same You are what the world is to blame Oxygen thief You stole my heart You stole my air Now I cant breath This has gone on for too long Stiff shit if your lungs go wrong
6.
Footy 00:24
Me and my mates we’re pretty tough When we play footy we play rough Me and my mates were pretty fast work out for stereosonic so we can last Wednesday night fannys heaps of pre mix and all the chix Me and my mates we shelve pills He does mine first then i do his
7.
Tour 00:20
I work out when I’m on tour I drink Teh Oh Ais to keep pure Never smoke Premiums, Gudans or Winstons Only eat the tofu that’s vegan On my day off i hit the gym Cos im a straight edge touring machine But only tour Europe to keep it clean
8.
I want my grind lo-fi Fuck your false grind Clean sounds really suck Keep it nice and rough Lo-fi or Die
9.
Pinger Dick 00:49
Putting pingers in your dick Shoving them up till they dont stick Shelving Mushiess In a pot plant full of shit Cum stains won’t come off my sheet Railing ritalin It’s all pingers and dingers Till they are fucking stingers It’s all pingers and dingers You can stay all high but that will never get you by Pinger dick
10.
Hipster On A Fixie You think you look cool on that piece of shit You let all your friends know that you’re legit Suffering the single gear Dismounting every time a hill is near Style over substance Time and Time again Get a bike with gears You shit me to tears This is Sydney, not Melbourne Your fixie don’t belong here You shit me to tears Hipster on a fixie
11.
Wil Wagner 01:04
Wil Wagner wrecked my mosh shorts what a cunt Too big for medium Too big for house shows Poppy Seed Ice Tea Supports Lagwagon What a cunt Hiked all the way to Adelaide Got stuck at a truck stop Now my mosh shorts are stuck at a Salvos Not at a mosh show What a cunt Wash your own dishes you can’t cunt.
12.
You’re just a grind new jack Give your scene points back Do you even know The Red Shore You know nothing of grindcore You’re just a grind new jack An over-hyped internet hack You don’t even know how to grind I don’t even know why you try
13.
Tuff Dad 00:57
Will the pram fit in the tour van I don’t mean for the others in the band But bring the family man I got a job to support my kin Its called liftin’ weights and tourin’ And on the first day of school I’ll break down Please make friends at school But only those who are crucial And if any tuff cunts are mean Send em to Perf I’m waitin for em And on the night of prom I’m so happy yet still I’ll frown Cos im a fucking tuff dad Gotta be stern, gotta get mad Tuff dad Tuff dad
14.
Crusty strumpet Haven’t showered for days Growing hair In between lays
15.
Picking my nose at the lights Sending a text at the lights Having a perv at the lights Booking a show at the lights I get so much done at the fuckin lights I even wrote this song at the lights
16.
Crew Poo 00:43
Keeping safe in my crew Is what I like to do I don’t care about the rest of you Suck balls and eat my poo Eat my poo Eat my poo Holding hands under the cubicle dividers Youth crew Crew poo
17.
Charl Mangy 01:27
Smoking bongs Drinking Beam Charl Mangy Fuck you Charl Mangy Ripped off our faces Tripping over laces Bong water chasers Weed caught in braces Buy Tun in cases Railing ritalin Wearing thongs Pissing arse Charl Mangy Smoking bongs Drinking Beam Charl Mangy Charl Mangy Charl Mangy Fuck you Charl Mangy fuck you Fuck you Charl Mangy fuck you
18.
Scene Beef 03:05
All these politics have gone on for too long Who gives a fuck, who did what wrong. All this whinging and whining, it’s getting in the way It's getting in the way of all our pills and partying Forget your ego You ain't the hero We ain't the tuff guys Drinking all the beer Do what you want Don’t hurt anyone When people from the same scene beef It’s called scene beef All this whinging and whining it's getting in the way Of all our pills and partying I don’t want to see you again even though we have the same friends I don’t want to see you again unless we make amends
19.
Bong Breaker 00:41
Kicked outta pub In a rage break the bong All over the place Gimme that cone I need to be a stone Listening to lo-fi grind tapes Spilling beer all over the place Fuck you stupid seco cunts I might be old but I party ten fold

about

After 20 plus releases in 8 years, Michael Crafter finally fucking release their debut LP.

"Mince for the Recently Retired" is the Chinese Democracy of the Sydney underground mincecore scene. A hifi lofi mess of raging d-beats and rabid blasts that you can mosh to. Lyrically exploring the everyday struggles of a wokked heshlord, run outta pingers at a Blackwire show, smashing lo-fi grind tapes til 4am.

Michael Crafter is dead, long live Michael Crafter.

check out the video for #420Bennies here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnksU4cIi64

credits

released July 25, 2017

Recorded by Aaron Worboys, Adversary Studios, St Peters, NSW
May 30 2015
Vocals recorded by Matheson and Ben Rivers in Footscray, VIC
Mastered by Jonathan Boulet
Art by Glenno Smith

Matt – Vocals
Dave – Guitar / Vocals
Tex – Bass
Max - Drums

Guest Vocals by Dave Drayton, Naif Martin, Ben Rivers & Kasia Ilczyszyn

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Michael Crafter Sydney, Australia

Sydney Punk Grind since 2009

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