Mince for the Recently Retired LP

by Michael Crafter



After 20 plus releases in 8 years, Michael Crafter finally fucking release their debut LP.

"Mince for the Recently Retired" is the Chinese Democracy of the Sydney underground mincecore scene. A hifi lofi mess of raging d-beats and rabid blasts that you can mosh to. Lyrically exploring the everyday struggles of a wokked heshlord, run outta pingers at a Blackwire show, smashing lo-fi grind tapes til 4am.

Michael Crafter is dead, long live Michael Crafter.

check out the video for #420Bennies here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnksU4cIi64


released July 25, 2017

Recorded by Aaron Worboys, Adversary Studios, St Peters, NSW
May 30 2015
Vocals recorded by Matheson and Ben Rivers in Footscray, VIC
Mastered by Jonathan Boulet
Art by Glenno Smith

Matt – Vocals
Dave – Guitar / Vocals
Tex – Bass
Max - Drums

Guest Vocals by Dave Drayton, Naif Martin, Ben Rivers & Kasia Ilczyszyn



all rights reserved


Michael Crafter Sydney, Australia

Sydney Power violence band since 2009.

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Track Name: Vegan Bake Sale

Vegan Bake Sale
is dumb
10% off merch sales

I'm all for getting baked
but not in the pit
Vegan treats can suck my dick

I don’t want your cookie

I don't want a cookie
You bake like a rookie
You don't get me high

I came here to mosh

I don't want a cookie
You bake like a rookie
And your buzzing my vibe

Cupcake cupcake
Track Name: #420Bennies
I’m smoking a bong
I’m smoking a bong
I’m smoking a bong

I’m punching cones
I’m punching cones
I’m fucking stoned

Roll a joint
Smash it in your face
Roll a joint
Smash it in your fucking face

I just wanna be like The Bennies
Bennies Bennies #Bennies420
Blaze it
Track Name: Rail and Bail
I hate to rail and bail
I hate to rail and bail
I don’t care if I end up in jail

I eat dexys
But I want a Ritalin
I rail and I won’t get over it

I want a ritalin
I want a rail
I want a ritalin ritalin rail

Smash it to pieces
Smash it to bits
Just don’t you dare play any fucking raised fist

I’ve got a pinger dick and its getting limp
I can’t feel you in my fingertips
I love ritalin
I love dexys
Smash it into bits

Pill Dick
Track Name: Fear and Doubt
Do you even realise
That you’re living under compromise?

Fear and Doubt

Will always hold you back
Track Name: Mouthbreather
You are a mouthbreather
You breath from your mouth
Your babies look the same
You are what the world is to blame

Oxygen thief
You stole my heart
You stole my air
Now I cant breath

This has gone on for too long
Stiff shit if your lungs go wrong
Track Name: Footy
Me and my mates we’re pretty tough
When we play footy
we play rough
Me and my mates were pretty fast
work out for stereosonic
so we can last

Wednesday night fannys
heaps of pre mix and all the chix

Me and my mates
we shelve pills
He does mine first
then i do his
Track Name: Tour
I work out when I’m on tour
I drink Teh Oh Ais to keep pure
Never smoke Premiums, Gudans or Winstons
Only eat the tofu that’s vegan
On my day off i hit the gym

Cos im a straight edge touring machine
But only tour Europe to keep it clean
Track Name: Lofi or Die II
I want my grind lo-fi
Fuck your false grind

Clean sounds really suck
Keep it nice and rough

Lo-fi or Die
Track Name: Pinger Dick
Putting pingers in your dick
Shoving them up till they dont stick
Shelving Mushiess

In a pot plant full of shit
Cum stains won’t come off my sheet
Railing ritalin

It’s all pingers and dingers
Till they are fucking stingers
It’s all pingers and dingers
You can stay all high but that will never get you by

Pinger dick
Track Name: Hipster on a Fixie
On A

You think you look cool on that piece of shit
You let all your friends know that you’re legit
Suffering the single gear
Dismounting every time a hill is near

Style over substance
Time and Time again
Get a bike with gears
You shit me to tears
This is Sydney, not Melbourne
Your fixie don’t belong here
You shit me to tears

Hipster on a fixie
Track Name: Wil Wagner
Wil Wagner wrecked my mosh shorts what a cunt
Too big for medium
Too big for house shows
Poppy Seed Ice Tea
Supports Lagwagon

What a cunt

Hiked all the way to Adelaide
Got stuck at a truck stop
Now my mosh shorts are stuck at a Salvos
Not at a mosh show

What a cunt
Wash your own dishes you can’t cunt.
Track Name: Grind New Jack
You’re just a grind new jack
Give your scene points back
Do you even know
The Red Shore
You know nothing of grindcore

You’re just a grind new jack
An over-hyped internet hack
You don’t even know how to grind
I don’t even know why you try
Track Name: Tuff Dad
Will the pram fit in the tour van
I don’t mean for the others in the band
But bring the family man
I got a job to support my kin
Its called liftin’ weights and tourin’

And on the first day of school I’ll break down

Please make friends at school
But only those who are crucial
And if any tuff cunts are mean
Send em to Perf I’m waitin for em

And on the night of prom
I’m so happy yet still I’ll frown

Cos im a fucking tuff dad
Gotta be stern, gotta get mad

Tuff dad
Tuff dad
Track Name: Crusty Strumpet
Crusty strumpet
Haven’t showered for days
Growing hair
In between lays
Track Name: Picking My Nose
Picking my nose at the lights
Sending a text at the lights
Having a perv at the lights
Booking a show at the lights
I get so much done at the fuckin lights

I even wrote this song at the lights
Track Name: Crew Poo
Keeping safe in my crew
Is what I like to do
I don’t care about the rest of you
Suck balls and eat my poo

Eat my poo
Eat my poo

Holding hands under the cubicle dividers

Youth crew
Crew poo
Track Name: Charl Mangy
Smoking bongs
Drinking Beam
Charl Mangy

Fuck you Charl Mangy

Ripped off our faces
Tripping over laces
Bong water chasers

Weed caught in braces
Buy Tun in cases
Railing ritalin

Wearing thongs
Pissing arse
Charl Mangy

Smoking bongs
Drinking Beam
Charl Mangy

Charl Mangy
Charl Mangy

Fuck you Charl Mangy fuck you
Fuck you Charl Mangy fuck you
Track Name: Scene Beef
All these politics have gone on for too long
Who gives a fuck, who did what wrong.
All this whinging and whining, it’s getting in the way
It's getting in the way of all our pills and partying

Forget your ego
You ain't the hero
We ain't the tuff guys
Drinking all the beer

Do what you want
Don’t hurt anyone

When people from the same scene beef
It’s called scene beef

All this whinging and whining it's getting in the way
Of all our pills and partying

I don’t want to see you again even though we have the same friends
I don’t want to see you again unless we make amends
Track Name: Bong Breaker
Kicked outta pub
In a rage break the bong
All over the place

Gimme that cone
I need to be a stone
Listening to lo-fi grind tapes
Spilling beer all over the place

Fuck you stupid seco cunts
I might be old but I party ten fold